Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

BPD in the Media

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on June 11, 2012

When I heard the tragic news about Mary Kennedy, I also remembered her arrests for impaired driving.  I noted the Kennedys & Richardsons trading blame.   But it appears BPD may have been a factor:  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders | Leave a Comment »

Christmas Contact

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 19, 2011

I actually thought I could relax this December as likely NPD/possibly BPD mother aka Batty Poo hasn’t attempted contact the previous 2 Decembers. The last contact we had was about 2 and a half years ago when she had surgery and I sent her get well wishes. This was about 2-3 weeks after the blow up with bro & SIL because I apparently didn’t offer sufficient maternal worship. Which she ignored, choosing to side with them.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

‘Tis the Season to Set Boundaries

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 12, 2011

I’m want to write a fuller post on this soon (it’s been crazy at work and while not as bad as last year, some holiday sadness), but wanted to provide a link to last year’s post with it’s resources for anyone who needs it.   It’s got some good links to Kellevision & Narcissists Suck about taking care of yourself emotionally and setting boundaries during this season.   Also added a couple of links to Dr. T’s site explaining why Cluster Bs are so difficult at this time of year. 

I’ll try to at least check in to approve comments every few days, so feel free to start a conversation about the holidays and how they are affecting you this year in light of estrangements or difficulties.  Or if you’ve managed to overcome it, coping strategies.  And if you’re in between the two, like me, feel free to share that too! 🙂   Wishing everyone a joyous and peaceful holiday season!

Last year’s post

Also, a couple of other great resources which have been written since then:

Dr. T, with her usual blend of humor and common sense, explains over at Shrink4Men why Cluster B people are so difficult at holidays, both in a blog post and she dedicated a radio show to it.  But please note, the radio show is at a men’s rights site, which has a certain perspective/point of view.  If you disagree with it, please skip it or at least be respectful of the hosting space.  Thanks.

Blog Post

Link to radio post

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Fingers of Blame: Another round of Pithy Platitude Parser

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 8, 2011

There’s a saying about how one should consider when you’re pointing the finger of blame, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.  While some of the sayings may make sense in their original context, such as the ones about resentment and grudges and have to be twisted & manipulated to be used against people, this one doesn’t even make any freakin’ sense.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Pithy Platitude Parsing, Shaming | 13 Comments »

Letter to my Inner Heckler

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 8, 2011

I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before.  After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.

Dear Inner Heckler,

WTF is your problem?   Why are you so mean and nasty?   You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with .  You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well.  All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything.  I feel exhausted after listening to you.  Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.

I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction.  Get the hell out my head and stay out!!   You’re not wanted here.

Posted in Letters, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 7 Comments »

Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 6, 2011

As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings.  I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.” Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Resentment/Poison

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

The pithy saying I’ll be dealing with today is “resentment is like drinking the poison and hoping the other person dies”.  And yes, I have had this quoted back at me when I’ve tried to set a boundary or express hurt at a past wrong in my Family of Origin.    I say whether that pithy saying is true or not depends on the cause of the resentment and the way we handle it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Pithy Platitude Parsing, RANT | 12 Comments »

You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 3 Comments »

The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.  Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim.  It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim.  The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alcoholism, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 4 Comments »

Quote of the Day

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on October 21, 2011

Borrowing this from a friend, “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families. ~Tennessee Williams”  Truer words were never spoken.  I’m so thankful for my friends and healthier family members!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »