Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

Archive for the ‘Shaming’ Category

Faux/Forced Forgiveness

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 14, 2012

Ok, as some of you may know, I’m not all that fond of the “forgiveness police” who decide it’s up to them to dictate to the people who have been wronged as to how and when to forgive. Or that people should forget or give people multiple second chances to people who will prove time and tim again and again and again that they will only kick you in the teeth pretty much every chance they get. That said, I think the most recent episode of American Horror Story: Asylum did an excellent job of illustrating the pitfalls of faux/forced forgiveness. Don’t read any more of this if you haven’t watched this episode, as it contains spoilers Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Shaming | 1 Comment »

Feelings Part II

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on July 25, 2012

As a follow up to an earlier post about feelings, I thought I’d share an anecdote.  I’ve been working with a different therapist than the one mentioned in that article since shortly after I wrote it.  That whole story and how to go about looking for a new therapist is a post in and of itself, which I plan to write one of these days.  The therapist I’m currently working with is in a building which houses a lot of medically related offices, including a dentist. As I was waiting for the elevator,  I saw a boy with his mom.  I’m not the best at guessing kids’ ages, I’m guessing he’s around 4, give or take a year.  He was holding a balloon from the dentist’s office tied to a new toothbrush.  What struck me was the conversation he and his mom were having.   Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Shaming | 2 Comments »

Fingers of Blame: Another round of Pithy Platitude Parser

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 8, 2011

There’s a saying about how one should consider when you’re pointing the finger of blame, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.  While some of the sayings may make sense in their original context, such as the ones about resentment and grudges and have to be twisted & manipulated to be used against people, this one doesn’t even make any freakin’ sense.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Pithy Platitude Parsing, Shaming | 13 Comments »

Letter to my Inner Heckler

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 8, 2011

I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before.  After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.

Dear Inner Heckler,

WTF is your problem?   Why are you so mean and nasty?   You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with .  You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well.  All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything.  I feel exhausted after listening to you.  Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.

I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction.  Get the hell out my head and stay out!!   You’re not wanted here.

Posted in Letters, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 7 Comments »

Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 6, 2011

As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings.  I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.” Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 3 Comments »

The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.  Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim.  It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim.  The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alcoholism, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 4 Comments »

Grudges, Forgiveness & Eviction

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 27, 2011

A good friend of mine posted a photo on Facebook with a sign of that famous saying, “Holding a Grudge is Like Letting Someone Live Rent Free in your head.”  I jokingly replied that some people are harder to evict than others.  Which got me thinking about the expression and all of the area in between it. 

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alcoholism, Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Pithy Platitude Parsing, Scapegoat, Shaming | 5 Comments »

Giraffes, Sheep & Scapegoats

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 25, 2011

If you haven’t had a chance to read this Psychology Today blog entry by Karyl McBride, it’s well worth a read.  In addition to addressing the grief which can result from estrangements and/or limited contact and/or no contact, she talks about how this shapes the dynamics in families with Cluster B Parents and about the scapegoat’s role. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 15 Comments »

New Addition to Links

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 5, 2011

I just came across this site.  Haven’t had a chance to review the whole site, but it looks like a lot of helpful information there, so I’ve added it to the links.

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 2 Comments »