Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

Archive for the ‘Scapegoating’ Category

Holidays, Hurricane Hoover & No Contact

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 3, 2012

One of my friends posted this and I think it’s really helpful/useful for all of us dealing with No Contact and how some family members try to use the holidays to waltz on in, with no change in their behavior which led to No Contact:

Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Put Up the Christmas Tree

Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoating | 5 Comments »

Letter to my Inner Heckler

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 8, 2011

I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before.  After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.

Dear Inner Heckler,

WTF is your problem?   Why are you so mean and nasty?   You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with .  You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well.  All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything.  I feel exhausted after listening to you.  Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.

I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction.  Get the hell out my head and stay out!!   You’re not wanted here.

Posted in Letters, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 7 Comments »

Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 6, 2011

As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings.  I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.” Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 3 Comments »

The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.  Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim.  It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim.  The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alcoholism, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 4 Comments »

One Law for me, for the Cluster B another

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on October 3, 2011

As part of healing, I’ve been looking at certain events from a different perspective.  In some cases, for the first time, I’ve been able to feel anger and sadness at the way I was treated.  A friend &  I were discussing the estrangement and he asked me if what I’d said which led to the estrangement was the truth or hurling insults.  I answered honestly that it was both. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating | 7 Comments »

Giraffes, Sheep & Scapegoats

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 25, 2011

If you haven’t had a chance to read this Psychology Today blog entry by Karyl McBride, it’s well worth a read.  In addition to addressing the grief which can result from estrangements and/or limited contact and/or no contact, she talks about how this shapes the dynamics in families with Cluster B Parents and about the scapegoat’s role. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 15 Comments »

Wisdom Born of Pain

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 5, 2011

I wasn’t sure how to title this.  I don’t want to trivialize what scapegoats go through growing up and until we learn healthy boundaries.  So that ruled out things such as “The Brighter Side of Being Scapegoated”, “Strengths of the Scapegoat”.  One of my happier memories is my mother playing Helen Reddy’s Greatest Hits really loud.  So as I was trying to come up with a title, I thought of the song “I Am Woman” and the lyric,  “wisdom born of pain.”  and that seems very fitting.    I’m going to share my own wisdom born of the pain of being scapegoated and encourage you to do the same if you feel comfortable doing so.    And it doesn’t have to be 100% positive.  It can be something which is a double edged sword depending upon the circumstances. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Scapegoat, Scapegoating | 3 Comments »

New Addition to Links

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 5, 2011

I just came across this site.  Haven’t had a chance to review the whole site, but it looks like a lot of helpful information there, so I’ve added it to the links.

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 2 Comments »

Two Standards?

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on August 10, 2011

It may seem at times like I go much easier on my father than my mother when it comes to the past.  This may seem unfair because after all, he contributed to the discord, violence and disharmony at home when I was a child.  Both parents were alcoholics while I was growing up.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alcoholism, Healing & Recovery, Scapegoat, Scapegoating | 2 Comments »