One of my friends posted this and I think it’s really helpful/useful for all of us dealing with No Contact and how some family members try to use the holidays to waltz on in, with no change in their behavior which led to No Contact:
I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before. After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.
Dear Inner Heckler,
WTF is your problem? Why are you so mean and nasty? You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with . You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well. All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything. I feel exhausted after listening to you. Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.
I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction. Get the hell out my head and stay out!! You’re not wanted here.
As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings. I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.” Continue reading “Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip”
As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head. Continue reading “You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!”
I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship. Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim. It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim. The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers. Continue reading “The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People”
As part of healing, I’ve been looking at certain events from a different perspective. In some cases, for the first time, I’ve been able to feel anger and sadness at the way I was treated. A friend & I were discussing the estrangement and he asked me if what I’d said which led to the estrangement was the truth or hurling insults. I answered honestly that it was both. Continue reading “One Law for me, for the Cluster B another”
If you haven’t had a chance to read this Psychology Today blog entry by Karyl McBride, it’s well worth a read. In addition to addressing the grief which can result from estrangements and/or limited contact and/or no contact, she talks about how this shapes the dynamics in families with Cluster B Parents and about the scapegoat’s role. Continue reading “Giraffes, Sheep & Scapegoats”