Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

Archive for the ‘Healing & Recovery’ Category

Faux/Forced Forgiveness

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 14, 2012

Ok, as some of you may know, I’m not all that fond of the “forgiveness police” who decide it’s up to them to dictate to the people who have been wronged as to how and when to forgive. Or that people should forget or give people multiple second chances to people who will prove time and tim again and again and again that they will only kick you in the teeth pretty much every chance they get. That said, I think the most recent episode of American Horror Story: Asylum did an excellent job of illustrating the pitfalls of faux/forced forgiveness. Don’t read any more of this if you haven’t watched this episode, as it contains spoilers Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Shaming | 1 Comment »

Another Good Holiday Read

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 10, 2012

Karyl McBride, who authored, Will I Ever Be Good Enough: Healing Daughters of Narcissitic Mothers, wrote about the holidays and the perfection instilled by Narcissitic parents. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoat | Leave a Comment »

Holidays, Hurricane Hoover & No Contact

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on December 3, 2012

One of my friends posted this and I think it’s really helpful/useful for all of us dealing with No Contact and how some family members try to use the holidays to waltz on in, with no change in their behavior which led to No Contact:

Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Put Up the Christmas Tree

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, Scapegoating | 5 Comments »

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on October 18, 2012

‘Tis (or has been) evaluation season at work.  Sometimes I get very nice comments in email from people I do work for at my job.  I’ll include them as part of my evaluation.  This year I received one calling me a “godsend” and another a “genius”.  I couldn’t bring myself to include them in my evaluation, though I did eventually end up passing them along to my boss as praise for the department (that’s how I worded the email where I forwarded them. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders | Leave a Comment »

Dream Diary: Sibling Grief and Feelings

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 20, 2012

I woke up at 3:30 this morning from a dream. I felt a strong sense of both grief and panic upon awakening. The dream was about a brother who’d lost a sister. But I didn’t recognize the brother. He wasn’t anyone I knew, he wasn’t anyone famous. He didn’t even look like the young tourist guy I was helping with directions during my commute home, which would have made sense in that dream omelette sort of way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Dreams, Healing & Recovery | 1 Comment »

Feelings Part II

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on July 25, 2012

As a follow up to an earlier post about feelings, I thought I’d share an anecdote.  I’ve been working with a different therapist than the one mentioned in that article since shortly after I wrote it.  That whole story and how to go about looking for a new therapist is a post in and of itself, which I plan to write one of these days.  The therapist I’m currently working with is in a building which houses a lot of medically related offices, including a dentist. As I was waiting for the elevator,  I saw a boy with his mom.  I’m not the best at guessing kids’ ages, I’m guessing he’s around 4, give or take a year.  He was holding a balloon from the dentist’s office tied to a new toothbrush.  What struck me was the conversation he and his mom were having.   Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Shaming | 2 Comments »

Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 6, 2011

As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings.  I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.” Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Parents with Personality Disorders, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Resentment/Poison

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

The pithy saying I’ll be dealing with today is “resentment is like drinking the poison and hoping the other person dies”.  And yes, I have had this quoted back at me when I’ve tried to set a boundary or express hurt at a past wrong in my Family of Origin.    I say whether that pithy saying is true or not depends on the cause of the resentment and the way we handle it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Pithy Platitude Parsing, RANT | 12 Comments »

You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 3 Comments »

The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on November 1, 2011

I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.  Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim.  It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim.  The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers.  Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alcoholism, Healing & Recovery, narcissism, Parents with Personality Disorders, Personality Disorders, RANT, Scapegoat, Scapegoating, Shaming | 4 Comments »