Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

Social Media & Estrangement

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on September 4, 2012

I just came across this NY Times article about Facebook and estrangements, published back in June.

I’m guilty of occasionally Googling to see what I can find on my brother and his family. But I realize I’m the one with the power to do that and to stop it. It hurts so I don’t do it very often. But there are a number of people who blame others for this.

In 2005, they reconciled for six years, but the daughter, who is now married to that boyfriend and has a young child, again stopped speaking to her 10 months ago for reasons Mary does not understand. Mary, who joined Facebook in 2008, now squirms when she checks her news feed.

“You’re watching other people enjoying your daughter and the grandchild you’re supposed to have, and you’re left out in the cold,” Mary said. “I have to watch pictures of my grandson — that I didn’t get — on my daughter’s sister-in-law’s page.”

No, you don’t have to watch. You can use the block feature or defriend people.

Then there’s this comment in the comments section:

I think that those people who are not adjusting their privacy settings so as not to be “seen” know exactly what they’re doing. They WANT to be spied on. They are not as “done” with the person/people they are estranged from as they seem.

I personally keep most of my information to friends only on Facebook. But I think it says far more about the commenter than any of the people who keep their profiles public.  I saw my niece’s photo on a social media account my sister-in-law had set up. I didn’t think it was directed at me, she just has a profile with her daughter’s photo. IMO, it takes a huge amount of narcissism to even think someone’s profile is directed to one. Unless there are very obvious comments which make it clear.

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One Response to “Social Media & Estrangement”

  1. Whoa, the entitlement in some of those interviews! Actually nobody has a right to have a relationship with me without my consent.

    I google the names of some of my family once in a while. Unfortunately my sister’s name is the same as that of a rising musician. So every single hit is about the singer, rather than my sister. Oh well. 🙂

    But recently I found out that my mother is still alive. That was nice to find out. Apparently she’s joined the board of a housing association. Her second husband is alive too, according to the housing association web site. He’s a lot older than her, so it’s nice to see that she has companionship. I wish them well. I’m also very happy with the decision to break off contact.

    Part of the reason why I google my mother once every couple of years or so is that I have legal inheritance right according to the laws of my old home country. It’s not likely to be a whole lot of money but I think I’ll feel some closure when I get it.

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