Letter to my Inner Heckler

I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before.  After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.

Dear Inner Heckler,

WTF is your problem?   Why are you so mean and nasty?   You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with .  You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well.  All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything.  I feel exhausted after listening to you.  Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.

I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction.  Get the hell out my head and stay out!!   You’re not wanted here.

8 thoughts on “Letter to my Inner Heckler

  1. Brilliant! Thanks for this. I’m going to have to borrow it (if you don’t mind!).

    Could never stomach the notion of writing a letter to my abuser (also my mother). Seemed to me a useless exercise in futility (my mother was (still is) a sadist – a letter explaining how I felt would have brought her satisfaction, pleasure and glee).

    But an eviction notice (complete with rant) putting her in her place – priceless!

  2. I have this voice, (NM) in my head. ” You don’t know how badly you hurt me, after what I have done for (to) you. When I said no more am I paying your bills and taking abuse, she went into orbit. She is probably circling Mars right now.” NM didn’t say a lot to my face in adulthood, but the damage behind my back has been huge. Now no contact, had to move 1000 miles away. I have no family Starting new life. Trying to find job in MA (Pharmacist) not easy, bad job market, but much happier. The longer I am away, the quieter the voice becomes.

  3. Whoa – please write more quitter! My circumstance is a little different cause my mom used to love me until I was about 40 and then cut me off in order to team up with my scapegoating sister and brother. She shifted because she felt they had more of what she wanted at the time (booze) and they required her to dump me in order to team up with them. It has taken me years to accept. I think recovering scapegoatees walk with a cross that only other scapegoatees understand. Some days are better than others, but I often reel over the betrayal by my mother. I never imagined my life to end up with this kind of suffering — never.

    1. I’m in therapy to help me cope. My therapist said going through rejection by pretty much your whole surviving family of origin is a very painful thing. I think the consolation is, they deserve each other, don’t they? 🙂

      1. I have been looking for a therapist in the Phila area who understands the scapegoat piece and after a third one — I just kind of gave up.

      2. What I did is I looked for ones who specialized in personality disorders. They tend to have a better understanding. I’m in the NYC area, or I’d send you the name of mine. I hope you are doing better and found a good one

  4. Definitely know the sound of that voice! Though thankfully now, there is a steady kinder one that tells the other one to shut up, and be quiet. Hopefully as time goes on it will get quieter and quieter.

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