Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

The Golden Uterus Syndrome/Mama Martyr Act

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on August 16, 2011

Dr. T, who has treated the victims of Cluster Bs and has done a great deal to spread awareness of them has written about “The Golden Uterus Syndrome”   There’s also the Mama Martyr Act, which can be directed at both the children and the father. 

Cluster Bs (Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Histronic Personality Disorder) crave attention.  Motherhood brings them plenty of attention.  While some in our society are overly harsh on mothers, blaming them for everything from shyness to autism, many believe a mother can do no wrong.  It doesn’t matter if regularly emotionally abused you, along with occasional physical abuse and still tries to continue the emotional abuse, she’s yoooooouurrr motheeeerrrr and sheee looooooves yooouuu.  So that excuses all manner of bullshit and abuse.  All she has to do is pout about how she did all of this for her kid and the kid doesn’t pay it back or how much she loves her kid.  And the flying monkeys, apologists and enablers will do her dirty work for her, shit stirring with someone who’s trying to heal from the abuse.  I’ve been through this a few times.  I’ve had to distance myself from some people because of it.     It’s the collateral damage of having a Personality Disordered person in your family.

What’s really scary is the backlash against fathers who speak up on behalf of their kids and try to get custody of them to protect them.  There’s the custody battle chronicled in The Psycho Ex Wife blog until it was shut down.  And now, I’ve been reading about a custody battle where the mother is claiming she lost custody due to cancer because a judge has ruled shared custody would be preferred, but since distance prevents it, the father is being awarded custody.

But if you read the judge’s decision,  while both parents were in the wrong on different occasions, some of the mother’s behavior is really damaging to herself and her kids:

Basically from the court document, she cheated on the guy, threatened self harm, filmed him during his visitation of his kids without permission, lifted a sheet in his car under pretense of kissing their son goodbye during a custody transfer. When her lack of planning led to her cancer doc having to take the kids to her own home so that CPS didn’t get called, here’s how the document described it, page 11, paragraph 64:

Defendant’s [mother’s] perception that this incident described by Seewaldt [mother’s doctor] as a “crisis” was a great opportunity is striking. It demonstrates Defendant’s inability to see how her choices and actions affect others. The lack of insight on Defendant’s part is troubling to the Court

Also from page 15, B-D,

She told the father in front of the son he had no balls

Withheld the son’s epi-pen during visitation

Didn’t tell the father the daughter had begun to menstruate, nor did she make sure daughter was equipped with proper feminine hygiene products during visitation.

From page 12, paragraph 67, the mother’s own doctor said she caused her own crisis by missing appointments for her cancer treatments.

The dad gets a good job offer in Chicago and takes it. Mom wants to stay in Durham, NC so she can continue cancer care at Duke. Even though, at one point, she abandoned traditional treatment and went for “alternative” treatments for breast cancer, such as yoga. She refuses to move to IL because she doesn’t want to change doctors, etc.

Since they live too far apart for joint custody, dad wants custody. He gets it. This gets reported in the media as poor, dear sainted mom loses custody because she has cancer. Commenters in the news story, blogs, elsewhere portray dad as a cruel, awful person for leaving his wife while she’s sick and wanting the kids to live with him, instead of her, while she’s in Stage 4 of breast cancer. Nothing  is mentioned by those commenters about her infidelity and bizarre behavior. The bizarre behavior, IMO, makes her unfit to be a parent.

Read the comments in the ABC News link and the ones in this earlier NY Times Motherlode blog entry.  The father and the judge are being vilified and the mother is being elevated to some dear, sainted mother status.  The ABC News story states this woman has hundreds of thousands of supporters.  What about the father and the children?  He’s had to make a difficult decision to pursue custody of his kids for their best interests.   Yet, he’s vilified by strangers who don’t even know him despite all of the other factors in the judge’s decision.  All because he has a penis instead of a vagina.

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