Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

Letter to My Sister-in-Law

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on March 15, 2011

Another  unsent, but need to let it out letter. 

Dear SIL,

For the specifics of my mother’s actions and your & bro’s exclusion of me from any significant participation in your wedding, please see my earlier letter to bro. 

What I’d like to ask you specifically is why you decided to side with my mother and become her flying monkey “but she looooooves yoooou verry muuuuch” when I started telling you about some of the shit I’ve been through with her after the whole exclusion drama?  I was willing to let the whole exclusion thing go, forgive and move on.  Hell, I didn’t even bring it up other to briefly explain to bro where I was when he noticed I’d been away for a bit.   But YOU were the one who wanted to talk about it “‘HONESTLY” the next day for the importance of a good relationship.  Yet the reason changed about a week later, didn’t it?  What a fucking farce and bullshit fest about the honesty, eh?   Also,  you were the one who tried to pull the love your mother more shit when I attempted to explain why there were tensions.   She’s a nasty, miserable person who pretends to be sweet & loving to people she wants to impress.  Hopefully by now, the mask has dropped and you’ve gotten a little taste of it.  Though I hope you don’t have to deal with what I did full force because I wouldn’t wish that misery upon anyone.

I didn’t say anything to you about her up until that point because I didn’t want to put you in the middle.  And I realize a daughter/mother in law relationship can be fraught even when things are good.  I was hoping you’d both develop a good one.  If it went bad, I was going to quietly let you know it wasn’t your fault and offer what support I could. 

Another thing I’d like to know is why, when I was never anything but nice and welcoming to you, did you decide to drink from the well my mother poisoned against me?  Without even trying to find out my side of things?  I helped organize a family surprise gathering to welcome you to the family when you both came here when bro proposed to you.   As an engagement gift, I put together a digital photo frame of photos you’d both like, along with photos of the engagement and the celebration that weekend.   I tried to be as friendly and welcoming as I could.  I gave you a Welcome to the Family card and wrote a warm note in it.  Does that strike you as the type of person who is as evil as my mother tries to make me out to be?  She carries on about how she wants a closer relationship and I’m cruelly not giving it to her (even when we were in contact).  But I’ll bet she never told you how she screamed at me regularly for no reason when I was a kid and sometimes got physical for no reason.  I bet she never told you about how she still snapped and screamed at me as an adult, joyfully berating me.  You chose to believe, with no proof, what she said about me.  Believe me, it was hard enough to put up with her crap from a civil, but distant perspective.  But I did it to keep the peace.  But it wasn’t good enough for her. 

Well, hopefully  you’ve seen her true colors.  And more importantly, I hope you are protecting your daughter from her, as well as any other children you may have.

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