One of the most annoying and irritating things about sorting through the aftermath of scapegoating and emotional abuse is the impact on sleep. Trying to assess the environment and appease the unappeasable has left me a bit on the hypervigilant side and I tend to worry about worst case scenarios, usually as I’m trying to drift off to sleep, but sometimes as I awaken randomly during the night or with a panic attack. There’s typical work stress in this day and age going on, some minor financial stress and one of my neighbors had an attempted break in, all of which made me edgy last night to begin with.
One thing I’ve noticed is that it’s far easier for me to process things I’m learning about healing and recovery intellectually than it is emotionally. This even comes up in therapy too. I can say plenty about what I think about something or relaying the actual facts, speculating on the other person’s motives. But when it comes to saying how I feel, sometimes I don’t even know! Even when I do, sometimes it can be difficult to identify what exactly I’m feeling, let alone communicate it! Continue reading “Feeling our Feelings”