Last year, I had finally started to feel better after the cut off initiated by my brother/mother and my fear was that they would break no contact with a holiday card or something along those lines. They didn’t and I was relieved. This year, there’s still some residual sadness over the rift. I’m finding the holiday season rather difficult and I’m looking forward to December 26th! For some reason, I don’t feel this way about New Year’s, just Christmas. I’m still managing to enjoy gatherings with friends and extended family, but there are a lot of reminders this time of year. And despite my asking my great aunt not to tell me about my mother/brother, she still does. Interestingly enough, I think my mother may have tried some of her behavior with bro & SIL as she’s not spending Christmas with them and it’s my niece’s first Christmas.
I don’t have any desire to reconcile with my mother. I’ve forgiven her, but I don’t want to be exposed to any more of her emotional abuse. I do wish things were different with my brother and SIL though. I was thinking about this and one of the reasons this rift bothers me so much is my brother was the one living member of my family of origin I had a decent relationship with and now that’s gone. But I know I can’t change the situation. Still frustrating and sad though.