Whenthescapegoatquits's Blog

A Blog about scapegoat recovery & daughters of narcissistic mothers

Forgiveness, etc.

Posted by whenthescapegoatquits on October 12, 2009

I’m mostly through the anger.  I forgive my mother, my brother & my SIL for their choice to scapegoat me.  I just wish other family members, such as my great-Aunt, would stop bringing it up.  First of all, the scapegoaters have made the choice not to contact me.  If you’re going to try & pressure someone into resuming contact, it should be them, not me.  They were the ones who chose to cut contact with me.  Don’t get me wrong, my great-Aunt is a wonderful person, but I don’t think she grasps what has been said/done over the years. 

Also, even if they wanted contact with me, I don’t want contact with them.  I’m letting go of my anger and forgiving them, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to set myself up for more future hurt by them.  They have proven multiple times that they are unable/unwilling to show remorse and make amends for their behavior.    Letting them back into my life would only serve to hurt me again.  I’ve been working through the hurt and trying to make better choices for myself.  I wish people could be happy for me for that and not keep trying to talk me into contact with people who are only going to set me back when it comes to healing.  I don’t hate the scapegoaters, but neither do I want to be around them.  I think this is the healthiest and sanest choice I could make given the circumstances.  Do I wish the circumstances were different?  Hell ya!  But they’re not.  They are what they are and I have to make my choices in that context.

Even before all of this drama, one way I cope with stress is to overeat.  I fell into some really bad habits & slacked off on exercising.  As I was stressed out, I wanted more sleep and wasn’t getting up early enough to exercise.  Well, the consequences came home to roost.  I’m getting some minor foot surgery (outpatient), but I had to get medical clearance.  The blood pressure is up and I have to take medication for it, which I’d been trying to avoid.  I could blame this on the stress and drama, but the truth is, it’s my reaction to the stress and drama.  I need to teach myself new coping skills.  I’m looking into meditation.  I will try to get as much exercise in as I can for the next week before the surgery (cardio is out for 4-6 weeks after as I recover).  I have a meditation video I’m going to try.  I think I will try to do it early in the am before work to “save” that time/space for exercise when I do recover enough to exercise.  I’m also going to watch what I eat, as it’s especially important to do given my inactivity while recovering. 

My goal is to get off the blood pressure medication and lower my blood pressure naturally.  Avoiding the scapegoaters helps this goal, so that is what I’m going to do.

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3 Responses to “Forgiveness, etc.”

  1. Leanne said

    hey you stay strong sister. no one ever backs you when you walk away to save further hurt and look after youself…but having been there myself i understand how you feel. you do not need to justify yourself to anyone. you know the truth.

    everyone has the right to be well and happy (even us scapegoats)
    love and light
    xx

    • whenthescapegoatquits said

      Thanks for the supportive and encouraging words. I wish you well too in your journey away from being a scapegoat.

  2. Apel Mjausson said

    This reminds me of my mother’s insistence that I “forgive” my sister. I never understood what purpose it would serve. I could forgive her till I was blue in the face but that wouldn’t make it any safer to be around her. Whose feelings are they anyway?

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