It’s my brother’s birthday this weekend. This is the first time since he was born that I haven’t acknowledged it. It feels very strange, odd and a bit lonely. But acknowledging it would only be setting up myself for more pain. I have to let go in order to do the healing and work I need to do. I’ve handled my feelings by reading a book my therapist recommended and by letting my feelings out here. And I’m having dinner with an extended family member later today.
One of the topics from the AlAnon meeting I went to earlier this week was secrets and gratitude. It really resonated with me. I’ve stopped keeping my family’s secrets and as I’ve reached out to selected family and close friends, talking about it has brought us closer. For which I have a lot of gratitude.