My Brother’s Keeper

One of the things which has come up in both therapy & the AlAnon meetings I’ve attended is that you can’t control what other people do and that you need to look at your own motivations for control.  As I was putting away some laundry today, I thought about that in relation to my brother. 

As I mentioned, both our parents were active alcoholics while we were growing up.   I’m the eldest of the 2 of us.    I’m 3 1/2 years older than he is.  To the extent I could, I would try to protect him from things or at least comfort him if I couldn’t shield him.   To add to the mix, I supsect our mom is a narcissist.  It’s fairly common for Narcissistic Moms to treat one child as a scapegoat and the other as a “Golden Child”.  No matter what the scapegoat does, it’s never good enough/right.  No matter what the Golden Child does, it’s never their fault or wrong.  My brother suffered from this lack of responsibility once he got in the outside world where Mom’s not there to protect him.

I think the combination of being an elder child and my overly developed sense of responsibility has led me to try & take control of things I can’t.  Kind of obvious, but a new perspective on it.

2 thoughts on “My Brother’s Keeper

  1. I find your comments interesting because I was younger (2 years) than my Golden Child brother. Because of my mother’s childhood with her mother, she projected all her rage and control issues onto me to the extent she thinks I am the reincarnation of her mother returning to haunt and harass her.

    It’s also interesting because with narcissism there is usually another underlay or overlay of things like alcoholism or drug abuse, or in my case religion and being a tee totaling family (no alcohol). Or perhaps it is the other way around.

    1. That’s a very interesting point about the projection. I’ve often been told I resemble my maternal grandmother and they had a very troubled relationship.

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