Last Dig: Possible Slight in Mother’s Obit

Not sure if it was a death announcement or an obit. A newspaper had an obit link to Legacy.com. It was published at the beginning of last month and she died about 3 months before that. No messages in the guest book.

Here’s the text, minus the identifying information. And for the stepchildren/grandchildren, I’ll indicate the birth order with numbers. Continue reading “Last Dig: Possible Slight in Mother’s Obit”

Support Groups: Caveat RBN at Reddit

The reddit group Raised By Narcissists has had a lot of support within in the community of those of us who have been RBN.  When it was smaller, it was a well moderated and supported group.

It has since become an overwhelmed and badly moderated support group.  If you are in the stage where you are curious and want to lurk to see if what happened to you is “normal”, it’s still  a good group for that.

If you dare question or cross the mods, prepare to be muted.

Continue reading “Support Groups: Caveat RBN at Reddit”

Forgiveness Police & Narcissism

I’ve always been bothered by the forgiveness police.  Meaning third parties who try to impose their desire for the wronged person to forgive upon the wronged person.  An older post on this, Grudges, Forgiveness & Eviction.  Whether or not to forgive is up to the person who was wronged.  Not the person who did the wrong or other parties.

I finally figured out why.  It’s an extremely narcissistic thing to do.  It’s implying the forgiveness police person’s opinion, thoughts and feelings are more important than those of the person who was actually wronged.

Updating the Design

I hadn’t blogged here since 2012 and the design I was using is a little outdated.  I’ve also learned a lot about visual design since I’ve been pursuing my hobby of photography.  I’m going to be playing around with the templates a bit, so please be patient.  I also hope to share some of my photography as well.

My Mother’s Death: Part 4 Cirque du Flying Monkeys Redux

Before I sum up the past week, a brief recap of relevant info from My Mother’s Death Part I: The Notification :

I was not informed of any funeral arrangements, if in fact there were any.  I wouldn’t have gone anyway, because I feel those events are about the person who died and to support those who mourn that person.  I had no desire to be distracting or disruptive from that.  I respect the purpose of those rituals.

<snip>

Then another week later, he needed information from me in order for him to receive her last social security check.

<snip>

I took the high road and quickly replied with the info he needed.  Not only do I get to walk the high road on that, it’s hopefully the last contact I will have with him.

 

So that was the start of the week, more contact from my stepdad.  Then my mail yields not only the paperwork he sent me, but a “save the date” from my cousin.  We’ll call her Belinda.  She is the daughter of the aunt referred to here:

My mother’s sister sends a condolence text the day of her death.  I reply thank you.  And ask how she’s doing the next day.  Especially given that their other sister died in their 30s and we recently lost an aunt (her relation) and a great aunt (my relation) shortly before Christmas.  She replies about how difficult it is, but her grandson’s wedding will take her mind off her losses.  And then starts going on about her grandchildren’s love lives.
Oh and they had reconciled (my mother would cut people off on a regular basis) and planning to go on vacation together.

Belinda hasn’t contacted me up until now.  I get it’s hard to know what to do in a situation like this.   Continue reading “My Mother’s Death: Part 4 Cirque du Flying Monkeys Redux”

My Mother’s Death Part 3: Cue the Cirque du Flying Monkeys

Almost two weeks go by.  I have told a few of my close friends, along with work (they graciously gave me a week of bereavement leave which was very helpful in processing the complicated grief feelings I was having).

It’s painful to have these conversations with people, even if they don’t know about the estrangement.  I didn’t want to rehash it with everyone for weeks and possibly months to come, so I announced it on social media.  Again, it is 2 weeks after, which gave people plenty of time to find out if they had been close to her and needed to know.

My post, with some identifying information is redacted:

I have debated whether or not to say anything about this on social media. I gave it 2 weeks of thought.

No easy way to say this. My mother died of [cause redacted] at [age redacted] earlier this month.

Some mixed emotions due to the estrangement.

I haven’t posted on social media up until now as it would seem insincere given the estrangement. And being bluntly honest would just hurt people on her side of the family I care about. That is the last thing I want to do

I hope she has found peace and comfort and the same to all who are mourning her.

I’m not going to lie about the past and the pain she caused. But I will always admire her sense of humor, her work ethic, her resilience, her imagination and love of reading I am blessed to have those gifts. Some from her, some from my dad and some from both.

I’m doing ok all things considered

Keep up with your cancer and health screenings and as Spock said “live long and prosper”

Continue reading “My Mother’s Death Part 3: Cue the Cirque du Flying Monkeys”