Christmas Contact

I actually thought I could relax this December as likely NPD/possibly BPD mother aka Batty Poo hasn’t attempted contact the previous 2 Decembers. The last contact we had was about 2 and a half years ago when she had surgery and I sent her get well wishes. This was about 2-3 weeks after the blow up with bro & SIL because I apparently didn’t offer sufficient maternal worship. Which she ignored, choosing to side with them.

‘Tis the Season to Set Boundaries

I’m want to write a fuller post on this soon (it’s been crazy at work and while not as bad as last year, some holiday sadness), but wanted to provide a link to last year’s post with it’s resources for anyone who needs it.   It’s got some good links to Kellevision & Narcissists Suck about taking care of yourself emotionally and setting boundaries during this season.   Also added a couple of links to Dr. T’s site explaining why Cluster Bs are so difficult at this time of year. 

I’ll try to at least check in to approve comments every few days, so feel free to start a conversation about the holidays and how they are affecting you this year in light of estrangements or difficulties.  Or if you’ve managed to overcome it, coping strategies.  And if you’re in between the two, like me, feel free to share that too!    Wishing everyone a joyous and peaceful holiday season!

Last year’s post

Also, a couple of other great resources which have been written since then:

Dr. T, with her usual blend of humor and common sense, explains over at Shrink4Men why Cluster B people are so difficult at holidays, both in a blog post and she dedicated a radio show to it.  But please note, the radio show is at a men’s rights site, which has a certain perspective/point of view.  If you disagree with it, please skip it or at least be respectful of the hosting space.  Thanks.

Blog Post

Link to radio post

Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip

As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings.  I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.”

Quote of the Day

Borrowing this from a friend, “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families. ~Tennessee Williams”  Truer words were never spoken.  I’m so thankful for my friends and healthier family members!

Doing Unto Myself as I Do Onto Others

During my therapy appointment this past week, we revisited the estrangement.  We talked about the inconsistency of how the rages my mother directed to me were treated and how I was treated when I expressed rage for bad treatment by my brother & sister-in-law after repeatedly trying to address things more diplomatically. 

The Golden Uterus Syndrome/Mama Martyr Act

Dr. T, who has treated the victims of Cluster Bs and has done a great deal to spread awareness of them has written about “The Golden Uterus Syndrome”   There’s also the Mama Martyr Act, which can be directed at both the children and the father. 

Liking Posts

I was trying to see info on posts which were liked.  I inadvertently clicked like on a couple of my own posts.  I tried to follow instructions on how to remove my own likes.  But the cursor keeps spinning.  I’ll try again, but just wanted to let anyone reading know I’m not weird enough to like my own posts, lol!  I think that’s implied by my writing them (that I like them)

Parking Invalidation

While writing Part II of Handling the Inner Heckler, I was reminded of one example of invalidation.  Shortly after 9/11, I developed a moderate fear of flying.   It didn’t stop me from going anywhere, just made me a bit anxious before flights for a few years.  I probably would have overcome the fear sooner, but I don’t fly very often.

When did you realize?

Tburgh’s comment over in the Mothers’ Day Mayday post was so relevant to the experience of people scapegoated by their families, I thought I’d give it it’s own blog entry:

A Tribute to the Good Folks

While I was dealing with a lot of the insanity growing up, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with 2 wonderful neighbors for a couple of years of it.  I don’t use real names here because I don’t want to deal with the drama it would cause.    We’ll call them Jim & Georgia.  I’m not a religious person, in fact, I’d probably characterize myself as an agnostic.  But if there is a heaven and there are angels, they were angels sent here.  I recently saw Jim’s obituatary, he lived a long, full life and he’s now joining Georgia.