Fingers of Blame: Another round of Pithy Platitude Parser

There’s a saying about how one should consider when you’re pointing the finger of blame, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.  While some of the sayings may make sense in their original context, such as the ones about resentment and grudges and have to be twisted & manipulated to be used against people, this one doesn’t even make any freakin’ sense. 

Letter to my Inner Heckler

I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before.  After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.

Dear Inner Heckler,

WTF is your problem?   Why are you so mean and nasty?   You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with .  You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well.  All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything.  I feel exhausted after listening to you.  Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.

I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction.  Get the hell out my head and stay out!!   You’re not wanted here.

Bus to Blamesville: A Roundtrip

As I’ve mentioned previously, even the most mundane things can trigger all sorts of feelings.  I was on a bus recently. I’ve always been afraid of either missing my stop or pushing the signal too early for my stop. When I was about 4, my mother let me push the signal. You know how kids like to push elevator buttons, ring bells, that sort of thing? But I pushed it too early for our stop. My mother insisted on getting off at that stop and pushed my brother’s stroller home, telling me she was tired and blaming me for having to walk so far. The few times as an adult when I wasn’t familiar with a route and pushed the bell too early, I got off and walked. I didn’t even occur to me to say, “sorry, I meant the next stop.”

You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head. 

The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People

I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.  Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim.  It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim.  The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers. 

Grudges, Forgiveness & Eviction

A good friend of mine posted a photo on Facebook with a sign of that famous saying, “Holding a Grudge is Like Letting Someone Live Rent Free in your head.”  I jokingly replied that some people are harder to evict than others.  Which got me thinking about the expression and all of the area in between it. 

Giraffes, Sheep & Scapegoats

If you haven’t had a chance to read this Psychology Today blog entry by Karyl McBride, it’s well worth a read.  In addition to addressing the grief which can result from estrangements and/or limited contact and/or no contact, she talks about how this shapes the dynamics in families with Cluster B Parents and about the scapegoat’s role.

New Addition to Links

I just came across this site.  Haven’t had a chance to review the whole site, but it looks like a lot of helpful information there, so I’ve added it to the links.

Reality Checks & Balances

This weekend I had a much needed reality check to balance things out.  Last month marked 2 years of the estrangement with my mother, my brother and his wife.   I’m feeling more acceptance of it, though I  still feel some flares of anger over it.  Fortunately, the sadness I felt over it from November-April seems to have abated and I’m functioning a lot better.  I’m not sure why,  but I have an easier time being angry than being sad.  My guess would be it has something to do with power vs. powerlessness.    This weekend I had a flare up of the anger.  Normally, I save my rants and vents for here and keep Facebook light with things about coffee, commuting and the weather. 

Parking Invalidation

While writing Part II of Handling the Inner Heckler, I was reminded of one example of invalidation.  Shortly after 9/11, I developed a moderate fear of flying.   It didn’t stop me from going anywhere, just made me a bit anxious before flights for a few years.  I probably would have overcome the fear sooner, but I don’t fly very often.