You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head. 

The Myth that Women Don’t Abuse People

I was reading a news story when I came across this link of Top Ten signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship.  Out of the 10 slides used to illustrate abusive behavior, all either feature an adult man as abuser and/or an adult woman as victim.  It uses masculine nouns/pronouns for the abuser and feminine for the victim.  The NEXT TO LAST slide acknowledges that women might also be abusers. 

Giraffes, Sheep & Scapegoats

If you haven’t had a chance to read this Psychology Today blog entry by Karyl McBride, it’s well worth a read.  In addition to addressing the grief which can result from estrangements and/or limited contact and/or no contact, she talks about how this shapes the dynamics in families with Cluster B Parents and about the scapegoat’s role.

New Addition to Links

I just came across this site.  Haven’t had a chance to review the whole site, but it looks like a lot of helpful information there, so I’ve added it to the links.

Judge Shuts down Psycho Ex-Wife Blog

I didn’t really follow the blog too closely because it was more about coping with the divorce as a an ex-spouse/partner of an ex-spouse of someone who may have a Personality Disorder.  But I do think it’s disturbing that the blog has been shut down.   More detail can be found here.

The Mask

I think one of the more frustrating parts of a parent with a personality disorder is the mask or the act they play for others.  I’ve started opening up to some of the people in my family about the fact that my mother and I are estranged.  I recently did so with a stepsister (mother’s side) who I was in limited contact with.  Of course,  I got the whole, your mother loves you very much, speaks lovingly of you bullshit.  It’s just so crazymaking to deal with someone who behaves so differently in private when it’s just the 2 of us or when one of her enablers/apologists is around.

Forgiveness and Anger

Many times, those of us who grew up with a parent with a Personality Disorder are commanded to forgive or “get over it”.   This is a follow up on a couple of entries earlier I wrote on forgiveness and more forgiveness.     Two interesting links about why ordering us to forgive or “get over it” can be detrimental to our healing & recovery. 

Forgiveness

I was inspired to write about this by a friend’s Facebook update which talked about how great forgiveness can feel when you are finally in the place to do so.  I agree with this sentiment because it recognizes a very crucial part of forgiveness, that the person giving the forgiveness does so freely.  The forgiver isn’t being coerced or pressured in any way. 

Boundaries & Yay for Me!!!!

Since I was the family scapegoat, I grew up having one of two reactions to unwarranted criticism.  Some would describe it as passive-aggressive, I’d describe it more as appeasive-aggressive because  it’s not passive when one puts one’s head down on the floor for anyone who wanted to kick one  in the teeth.  It takes action to do that.  Action for which I’m ultimately responsible as a grown adult! 

My Brother’s Keeper Part 2

I thought about this some more and I realized I had a harder time letting go of my brother than I did with letting go of my mother.  I’m thinking over the reasons for this.  Part of it was the way she flat out told me she wasn’t going to change when I asked her to stop doing or saying certain things which were hurting me.  That made it easier.