Letter to my Inner Heckler

I’ve written about my inner heckler (the voice programmed by my mother) before.  After some more run ins with her, I’ve decided to write a letter to her.

Dear Inner Heckler,

WTF is your problem?   Why are you so mean and nasty?   You are exhausting and obnoxious to live with .  You are miserable and make everyone around you miserable as well.  All you ever do is criticize and you overreact to everything.  I feel exhausted after listening to you.  Most of the time, you don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’re wrong.

I am hereby serving you with a notice of eviction.  Get the hell out my head and stay out!!   You’re not wanted here.

Letter to my Father

Dear Dad,

Happy Belated Birthday, we miss and love you.  I really appreciate the fact that you were able to make amends with us and let us know how the thing you really regretted about your alcohol/substance abuse was its effect on your parenting with me and bro.  You still managed to do ok and it means a lot to me that you took responsibility for it and acknowledged it to us.  I know that wasn’t easy for you.  But it’s really helped with healing and being able to move forward.  

Letter to my Niece

Dear Niece, 

I hope one day we can get to know each other.  More importantly, I hope your parents do a good job of protecting you from the toxic legacy of our family issues.  Wishing you the best and letting you know you have an auntie who loves you!

Letter to My Sister-in-Law

Another  unsent, but need to let it out letter. 

Dear SIL,

For the specifics of my mother’s actions and your & bro’s exclusion of me from any significant participation in your wedding, please see my earlier letter to bro. 

Letter to My Brother

I can’t send this out of respect for my brother’s wish for no contact, so I’m going to write it here so I can get out some of the feelings I have about our estrangement.  Also, if I were going to send it, there’d be a need for heavy editing out of a need for diplomacy.   Warning, some foul language.