You’re Too Good to Me, No Really!

As I was re-reading this post on the Narcissists Suck blog, after referring to it in my previous post, it helped me pull together some thoughts and feelings that had been rolling around in my head. 

Giraffes, Sheep & Scapegoats

If you haven’t had a chance to read this Psychology Today blog entry by Karyl McBride, it’s well worth a read.  In addition to addressing the grief which can result from estrangements and/or limited contact and/or no contact, she talks about how this shapes the dynamics in families with Cluster B Parents and about the scapegoat’s role.

New Addition to Links

I just came across this site.  Haven’t had a chance to review the whole site, but it looks like a lot of helpful information there, so I’ve added it to the links.

Judge Shuts down Psycho Ex-Wife Blog

I didn’t really follow the blog too closely because it was more about coping with the divorce as a an ex-spouse/partner of an ex-spouse of someone who may have a Personality Disorder.  But I do think it’s disturbing that the blog has been shut down.   More detail can be found here.

The Mask

I think one of the more frustrating parts of a parent with a personality disorder is the mask or the act they play for others.  I’ve started opening up to some of the people in my family about the fact that my mother and I are estranged.  I recently did so with a stepsister (mother’s side) who I was in limited contact with.  Of course,  I got the whole, your mother loves you very much, speaks lovingly of you bullshit.  It’s just so crazymaking to deal with someone who behaves so differently in private when it’s just the 2 of us or when one of her enablers/apologists is around.

Forgiveness and Anger

Many times, those of us who grew up with a parent with a Personality Disorder are commanded to forgive or “get over it”.   This is a follow up on a couple of entries earlier I wrote on forgiveness and more forgiveness.     Two interesting links about why ordering us to forgive or “get over it” can be detrimental to our healing & recovery. 

Boundaries & Yay for Me!!!!

Since I was the family scapegoat, I grew up having one of two reactions to unwarranted criticism.  Some would describe it as passive-aggressive, I’d describe it more as appeasive-aggressive because  it’s not passive when one puts one’s head down on the floor for anyone who wanted to kick one  in the teeth.  It takes action to do that.  Action for which I’m ultimately responsible as a grown adult! 

Not to go all Sally Field or anything . . .

This weekend, I attended a good friend’s wedding.  It was the first wedding I’d been to since my brother’s wedding  about a year ago.   The dynamics there set into motion a series of events which culminated two weeks later in estrangement. 

My Brother’s Keeper Part 2

I thought about this some more and I realized I had a harder time letting go of my brother than I did with letting go of my mother.  I’m thinking over the reasons for this.  Part of it was the way she flat out told me she wasn’t going to change when I asked her to stop doing or saying certain things which were hurting me.  That made it easier.

My Brother’s Keeper

One of the things which has come up in both therapy & the AlAnon meetings I’ve attended is that you can’t control what other people do and that you need to look at your own motivations for control.  As I was putting away some laundry today, I thought about that in relation to my brother.